(By Jeff Chiu - AP)

On a slow return to work, here’s a guest item from Bog friend Dan Levy.

Hello D.C. Bogosphere. Agent Steinberg was gracious enough to rent out some space today (his rates are very reasonable) to help me promote our latest interview On the DL. We’ve had some very D.C.-centric interviews, including chats with luminaries from Mr. Kornheiser and Mr. Wilbon to Captain Winkie Chaos Chris Cooley and even Tofurkytalk just last week with the usual proprietor of this here space.

But nothing is as big as today’s show. Sure, it has nothing to do with Clinton Portis’ Maserati or Dimitri Young’s daily breakfast spread (not linking to that, ever). But this show might be as D.C.-riffic as any we’ve done. Chuck Norris wants to come to Washington to put Congress in a choke hold. Yes, Chuck Norris was On the DL to talk about his new book, Black Belt Patriotism.

Norris famously backed Mike Huckabee in the race for the White House and has taken his outstanding legend and folk-hero status to become a New York Times Bestselling political pundit. The press release for the book asserts that “after conquering Hollywood and winning legendary fights, Norris is tackling a new challenge: saving our country.”

Would you doubt Chuck Norris? His plan is actually pretty simple, and since this is a sports blog I’ll spare you the details (listen if you want to hear his detailed tax plan). But there are some headlines that only Chuck Norris can make. He brings up concerns about the corruption in Congress and he is not happy with all the special interests and lobbyists lining the pockets of Washington politicians. If this were a Chucktocracy - his word, not mine - he says he’d go to Washington and, with Ron Paul by his side, find out who is corrupt. The honest can stay, but what would happen to the nefarious?

Norris explains, “I’d walk up to him and say, ‘you’re fired.’ And if he didn’t move immediately, I’d choke him unconscious and drag him over.” Okay, then. I joked that I thought he would round-house kick them in the face, he replied, “I don’t like blood. I’d really rather choke them out.” An actual Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris does not like blood.

I asked if he ever thought he’d follow in the footsteps of Governor Terminator and go from action star to political paladin and he scoffed at the notion, offering this explanation: “Let’s say I’m running for Governor of Texas and I’m running against a guy and we’re debating each other and he starts attacking my character, which you see a lot in these debates. And I leap over the desk and I choke him unconscious. Would that help my campaign?” Maybe in Texas.

We do talk some sports, as I ask Norris what he thinks about Plaxico Burress and if he feels that the Burress case was the right time for a Second Amendment pulpit. We also talk briefly about Mixed Martial Arts, and I wonder if Norris - a martial arts Hall of Famer himself - thinks MMA is good for the industry, or the latest over-sensationalized version of WWE. “I do that too. I’ve trained in all those. And I respect those fighters. They are incredible athletes. All of them. I like MMA, but you know, it’s for the younger people.” Brock Lesnar has been spared. D.C. Insiders…Chuck Norris is watching you.

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Navy misses out on a chance to move into the top five. (Photo by Luis Alvarez - AP; design by Ian Oland.)

It’s been a dodgy few weeks for the Atlantic 11, our motley assortment of Division I men’s basketball programs from D.C., Maryland and Virginia. We’ve had ACC teams lose to low-majors, highly regarded league favorites get blown off the court, upstarts follow-up massive upsets with six-game losing streaks, and a whole bunch of middle-of-the-road teams beat up on each other.

But one thing is clear through four weeks: this is the best start, by far, in the three-year history of the Atlantic 11, for the Big South. Things only got better this week, with Liberty and VMI rising to sixth and seventh, respectively. To put that in some perspective, we have two Big South teams ranked ahead of two Atlantic 10 teams. I can’t tell you how many e-mails I’ve gotten over the years from GW fans who insist “mid-major” is a purposefully pejorative word when used to describe their conference. Anyhow.

Anyhow, confusion reigns in the minds of our voters, with three schools (George Mason, VCU and Liberty) receiving votes for every spot from 2nd through 10th. Georgetown is unanimous again, receiving 69 first-place votes, and Maryland is a comfortable second, but the rest is a mishmash, with 13 teams receiving at least one top-five vote.

While there was massive shuffling, the top 11 remain the same. Also remaining the same: I haven’t been to a college basketball game this season, although I’ve been to lots of excellent football press conferences. Rankings and pith after the jump.

1. Georgetown (5-1) 690 (69)
–Next: Tonight vs. Savannah State, Saturday vs. Memphis.
–I am guessing John Thompson III will pass on the opportunity to invite Allen Iverson as a guest shooting instructor this week. (John Albers)

2. Maryland (6-2) 593
–Next: Friday vs. Delaware State.
–The best team in the state of Michigan. Including the Lions, obviously. (Max Wass)

3. Virginia Tech (5-3) 455
–Next: Tuesday at Georgia, Sunday vs. Longwood.
–Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A man walks into a bar. He drinks hard for 40 minutes, and the bartender decides it’s time for him to leave. So as he’s stumbling out, at the last second, he turns around and hits a shot to beat Virginia Tech. (Paul Campbell)

4. George Mason (6-2) 409
–Next: Off.
–Jim Larranaga’s quixotic promise to “intentional foul our way to the CAA title” is still holding up. (Matt Bonesteel)

5. VCU (5-3) 368
–Next: Saturday at Richmond.
–Joey Rodriguez could teach Shaun Suisham a thing or two about three-pointers. (Scott Allen)

6. Liberty (6-2) 314
–Next: Off.
–Crazy idea, I’m sure. But if Dell Curry has another son, maybe a big-time program should start recruiting him now. (Markus Videnieks)

7. VMI (6-2) 190
–Next: Tuesday vs. Campbell, Saturday vs. Southern Wesleyan.
–Amazingly, the win against Kentucky might have lowered the Keydets’ RPI. (Chris Chase)

8. Navy (7-2) 189
–Next: Tuesday at Mount St. Mary’s.
–Coach Billy Lange has proposed changing academy motto of “from knowledge, seapower,” to “from knowledge, three-pointers.” (Bill Fitzgerald)

9. Virginia (3-3) 144
–Next: Off.
–Due to recent struggles, UVa has considered changing its athletic department motto from “Uncompromised Excellence” to the more accurate “At Least We’re Still Better Than Longwood. Maybe.” (Sean McLernon)

10. George Washington (3-2) 134
–Next: Saturday vs. Harvard.
–Turning the ball over on more than 23 percent of their possessions. If their namesake had performed so poorly, we’d all be sipping tea and using words like “knackered” right now. (Jamie Paquette)

11. American (4-4) 86
–Next: Off.
–Falling faster than an auto executive’s 401(k). (Glenn Arnold)

Also receiving votes: Richmond 43, Hampton 32, Old Dominion 22, UMBC 16, Mount St. Mary’s 14, Towson 14, Longwood 6, Loyola 6, James Madison 3, William & Mary 2.

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Far be it for me to tell outraged fans what to think, but I will say that the grievous front-office faults that are so obvious to fans in recent weeks seemed somehow to have slipped into the mist about a month ago. Now, though, they’re back, and so I quite wish I had managed to meet this chap last night. The pic was snapped by Ahern Inquirer, who also reminded me that the Wacco For Flacco Campaign is perhaps inferior to Horny for Zorny.

Anyhow, the money stuff is a bit overrated, right? I mean, it’s not like the team just tried to brand a local municipality the “Corporate Home of the Washington Redskins” in a marketing deal involving Web site logos and hotel dollars, right? And it’s not like one of the people who helped kill the deal noted that maybe a municipality didn’t want to get in bed with “alcohol, sex and cigars,” referring to some of the ads found on the team’s Web site. This is all greater good stuff, so chill with the dollar signs.

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“Redskins Deal With Disgruntled Portis.” Seriously? I mean, it’s been what, five weeks since ESPN The Mag columnists were campaigning for Clinton Portis for MVP? And now he’s benched and disgruntled, with PR guys leading him out of the locker room before the press is allowed in?

Plus, he kept calling the press “bro,” as in “I ask no questions, bro.” The last time he dropped so many “bros,” it was right after he and Jim Zorn had exchanged heated words on the sideline during the Lions game, when he shrugged off questions by telling a reporter “I don’t know bro, you’ve got to go and talk to [Zorn] about that.” He also called reporters “my brother” and “my man” on that day. You can judge a Portis controversy by his pet names for the press.

Anyhow, while counting down the hours to today’s John Thompson Show appearance, I’m hearkening back to those happy days just before Thanksgiving, when the team was coming off a win and Portis’s lack of practice time was still the subject of winking quips, not fear-mongering headlines. The day before the holiday, he wore this hooded number to practice, then demonstrated for the media how the zipper could go all the way to the top of his head. Pretty special. Not everyone can dress like that at an NFL practice.

That was also the week we looked at his latest modeling campaign, so I asked some teammates to describe the Portis fashion style.

“I don’t really have a handle on it,” Pete Kendall said. “But maybe he can help me get my foot in the door. I’ve always planned on being a before model. When I retire maybe.”

“What I would think is I would like some 3X clothing from him,” Mike Sellers said. “No it’s cool, Clinton’s always had the fashion flair. Clinton has his own style. I mean, literally, the man has his own style, and I don’t think too many people can copy it. He puts a lot of stuff together that most people couldn’t get away with.”

“To have a fashion sense, all you’ve got to do is have your own style,” Fred Smoot said. “You know, maybe some people think it’s ugly, but he most definitely has his own style. SCRANGE, that’s CP’s style man, and I promise you, we can only [describe] that as CP’s style.”

“Clinton’s fashion is unusual,” Jason Campbell said. “You see some of the weirdest stuff. Today he’s walking around with a jacket on with the tags still on it. I’m trying to wonder, ‘Clinton, why is your tag still on your jacket?’ He won’t tell me. I said, ‘Are you returning it or something?’ Like I said, he does some unusual stuff. He really hasn’t been dressing up this year, wearing his uniforms, Southeast Jerome and all that, he really hasn’t been doing all that. Ever since he had his child, he’s more like a mature dad. You’re so used to him being wild. He still wears crazy clothes. I just want to see what his baby wear.”

And Portis? What did he have to say, back when there was still lightness and joy and I could ask players about their MVP’s fashion sense instead of his disgruntlement?

“My style?” Portis repeated. “Unique. Different. Pushing it to the limit. I do what they don’t do, the outside world. My style is mine. I never went into a store, found an outfit that was already put together. I never really bought two things that matched. I might buy a piece today and buy another piece two months from now and all of the sudden realize, ‘Oh, this go together.’ “

As for the tags, he said he “always have tags on my clothes. Everything in my closet new. I don’t [remove tags], I just give it away. So when I give it away, it still [looks] new. I don’t wear anything but one time.”

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(AP Photos by, from top, Rob Carr, Nam Y. Huh and Gerry Broome)

Here’s a 100 percent true story: this weekend, I returned home from a week’s vacation in Miami Beach, leaving Florida on a day that was 80 degrees and perfectly sunny, with clouds banished to some less fortunate place, and returning to find that this frigid wasteland had overtaken our town.

The night I returned, I had a vivid dream. Really and truly. In my dream, Todd Yoder, Chris Cooley, Gilbert Arenas (wearing a purple velour suit and cravat), Terps beat writer Steve Yanda and an unidentified fifth man were having a spirited five-person game of racquetball. The media had swarmed to the event, and many media members were, for some unknown reason, standing on long ladders while they watched. After the game, there were interviews, although Gilbert declined most.

But here’s the disturbing part: I wasn’t interested. I just wasn’t. When you can’t get interested in a dreamscape racquetball game involving two of D.C.’s most bloggable stars, one of whom is dressed for a show at the Kennedy Center, you know something’s amiss.

And here’s another true fact: On Nov. 1, the two teams whose success has driven this blog were 6-2 (Redskins) and 0-0 (Wizards). Traffic had never been better. Since then, the Redskins are 1-4 (better only than the Lions, 49ers and Rams) and the Wizards are 3-15 (better only than the Oklahoma City Weathermen).

Football and basketball are the two sports that absolutely drive our Web traffic, and for more than a month, our humble home has been easily the most wretched combined NBA/NFL city.

So how was your weekend? And does anyone know any Miami Beach cheese shops that might be hiring?

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Seeing this sign all over Bank Stadium last night made me think of that famous line from The Princess Bride: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

But other than that, I don’t have many bad words to say about the Ravens game experience. The parking is a breeze. The stadium is a dream. The wireless is free. The view is grand. I heard Minister of Disinformation Larry Michael on the radio yesterday afternoon, complaining that the parking in Baltimore is so much more scattered than at FedEx Field. It was a pure alternate reality moment.

My only real complaint would be the purple. It’s just not very attractive to these ideas. Give me browns and tans and beiges and grays every time, especially for Baltimore in December. I mean, you don’t associate neon green with Washington, D.C., and you shouldn’t associate purple with downtown Baltimore.

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(By Julie Jacobson - AP)

Lindsay Applebaum here. The Agent known as Steinz is on vacation and left me to Bog-sit. I’ll try to not cause any structural damage.

Plaxico Burress! Earlier this season, you were suspended two weeks for skipping practice. This past weekend, you accidentally shot yourself in the leg at a New York nightclub. You allegedly gave a fake name, Ron Mexico-style, at the hospital. Now your season is over and you could go to prison. What’s the next logical stop on this whirlwind tour of buffoonery?

Why, the Washington Redskins, of course.

From Ryan Wilson of NFL Fanhouse:

I’m not naive enough to think another team won’t give him a chance; Dan Snyder has been looking for a big-play wideout for a couple years now, and I’m sure he’d gladly sign Burress.

Isn’t it a little bit soon for that? Because he could go to prison for at least a little while, right? And does he really deserve another chance?

Whatever. Forget all that, because heeeere come the crazies extremists (10 pages’ worth) on ExtremeSkins.com:

dg28daman: I know this season isn’t even close to being over with, but with the news of Giants ending Plax’s season coming out, he could possibly become available this off season. We have GOT to make a play on this guy. I know a lot of you are going to point to his character concerns, but a player of his talent is too good to pass up.skinfan2k: Honestly i dont care about character. I want to win. If he helps us win, I want him[[ghost]]: I’ve always been a huge fan of his. His playing style is more lethal than TO’s. At least you can jam and double Plax. Ask Al Harris and the Packers if playing against Plaxico physically is a good idea.

Also, it wouldn’t hurt to sign Chad Ocho Cinco. And you know how fans haven’t been happy with quarterback Jason Campbell? Yeah, it would probably make a whole lot of sense to pick up Michael Vick. Clinton Portis is hurting, man. Is OJ Simpson available?

I’m just kidding, of course, at least about Ocho Cinco. And I don’t want to accuse Redskins fans of being anything except sane and rational and perfect in every way, so I won’t. But you know what’s what.

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It’s Lindsay Applebaum, filling in as a guest bogger again. Yes, I’m still here. Your beloved Steinberg will be back soon, I promise. Until then, I will continue to torture you with my lack of cheese references and quirky Jim Zorn stories.

The economy is crumbling faster than the Redskins’ playoff hopes these days, and it’s taking down all the little guys. First, it was my favorite sushi place near work. Now, it’s good old Chevy Chase Bank, which happens to be the place where I deposit and then immediately withdraw my paycheck every two weeks. It’s probably your bank, too. Well, it’s Capital One’s bank now, because they’re buying it for $250 million.

Goodbye, little blue check card. Goodbye, long lines, strange hours and out-of-town cashiers giggling and asking, “Your bank is owned by Chevy Chase, the actor?” (Yes, smarty pants. Chevy Chase, the actor. Because when I think of National Lampoon’s Vacation and Caddyshack, by God, I think of secure banking and overdraft protection.)

Also, maybe most importantly, depending on how much corporate sponsorship means to you, goodbye to Chevy Chase Bank Field at Byrd Stadium.

Remember when the bank purchased naming rights to the field — yep, just the field — at Maryand’s Byrd Stadium for $20 million in 2006? Sort of a waste of money, no? Because it’s still Byrd Stadium. You call it Byrd Stadium, The Post calls it Byrd Stadium — it’s BYRD STADIUM, except on the highway, where all signs point to Chevy Chase Bank Field at Byrd Stadium.

You know how NOT big of a deal this is, that Maryland’s football stadium’s field’s sponsor just got bought out and as a result the name of the grass might be altered in some way? I can’t find anything about it on the Internet. Anywhere.

Regardless, where do we go from here? The lame, and likely answer? Capital One Field at Byrd Stadium. Or really, as Post writer John Kelly astutely points out, it should really be called “Capital Zero” or “Capital Minus One” Field. My vote goes to “Damn the Man” Field at Byrd Stadium.

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Um, Mr. Official? (By John McDonnell - TWP)

I can find only three published instances in the past 12 months where a head coach in any sport has used the phrase “Mr. Official.” Oh sure, you can find lots of humorous-type writers dropping in that phrase during fake dialog between players and referees, but you just don’t see head coaches actually saying it.

Except for Jim Zorn, who has now used that title at least three times in his various press conferences this season. Each time, I’ve laughed out loud.

Concerning Ladell Betts’s fumble last week: “Ladell tried to explain it away [to me] and talk to Mr. Official, but it wasn’t going to be explained away,” Zorn said. “It was definitely a fumble.”

Concerning a timeout against Dallas the week before: “We had a tight end, four wide receivers, that was supposed to be it. Well, Ladell went in, because he saw Clinton coming out. And nobody saw the signal from the sideline of what our personnel group was. So we screwed it up. What happened was on the next play, as we got the right personnel group in, Mr. Official started the clock right away, ok? And as we tried to get the next play in the clock was running down, and I had to use a timeout then. Livid, believe me.”

Concerning Durant Brooks’s weird fake snap in September: “The official, Mr. Official was standing over the ball,” Zorn said. “And [Brooks] asked for the ball. And, you know, I was thinking to myself, ‘Why are you asking for the ball?’ It was like we iced our own kicker. We iced ourselves. And then we missed the field goal. So I was pretty bent out of shape.”

So add it to Staying Medium, Playing Violently, Going to Heroics, Acting Suddenly, “Ab-so-LOOO-tly,” Hip Hip Hooray and the rest as staples of the Zorn lexicon. And so, the origins of Mr. Official?

“I just, I’m trying to show them respect,” Zorn said. “You know, I don’t want to call him ‘Bob.’ You know, ‘When Bob called the play….’ So I’m trying to show them respect, number 1, and then ‘Mr. Official’ because all these guys have different positions as well. You know, it could have been the umpire, it could have been the ref, it could have been the back judge. So I’m just using kind of a third person, calling this guy by name by calling him Mr. Official. That’s all.”

I asked Zorn whether used the term during his playing days; “Ab-so-LOOO-tly!” he said, which was an appropriate response.

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(By John Hawkes - Atlantic 11 Media Inc.)

It’s Week III, and the third annual Atlantic 11 champion has already been decided. Barring some major meltdown or an unforeseen late-season game with Liberty, Georgetown will once again finish on top of this thing. Not only that, but my specially chosen voters, in their infinite wisdom, chose to rank putrid bog residue Virginia ahead of Liberty, a team that beat the Cavs on their own court. It’s enough to make a guy wonder why he’s spending his vacation in Miami publishing wry comments about D.C.-area basketball teams. Anyhow, some observations.

1) The above photo was taken by A11 voter John Hawkes during the tip-off of the long-awaited Georgetown-Maryland showdown. Seriously, thanks Gary and Debbie and JTII and JTIII and everyone else. The game tens of thousands of locals have been craving tips off in front of Mr. M.T. Seat and his huge extended family. At least all of you still have your pride.

2) These votes were cast before Virginia Tech lost to Wisconsin, George Mason lost to Liberty and American lost to Mount St. Mary’s. In other words, I’m spending my vacation time publishing a completely outdated poll.

3) Georgetown was unanimous. That’s been the case in probably half of these. “Boring” doesn’t do it justice.

4) Navy? Seriously?

5) Fine by me, because that means this week’s A11 will have seen an absurd eight games between ranked teams in the past two weeks. (UMBC-GW, Maryland-Georgetown, Liberty-Virginia, Liberty-George Mason, Mount St. Mary’s-American, Georgetown-American, Maryland-George Washington and Navy-Virginia Tech.)

6) I appeared on Jeff Jones’s coach’s show this morning to discuss the A11. Yup, Jeff Jones has a coach’s show. You should all listen to it.

Rankings and pith after the jump.

1. Georgetown (4-1) 850 (85)
–Next: Saturday vs. No. 8 American.
–Having vanquished Maryland in Orlando Lake Buena Vista, Fla., Georgetown now plans to travel to Moose Jaw for next year’s tilt with GW. (Laurence Reszetar)

2. Maryland (4-2) 621
–Next: Tomorrow vs. Michigan.
–More up and down than Mike Singletary’s pants. (Jake Leffler)

3. George Mason (5-2) 607
–Next: Saturday at Drexel.
–After many years of trying, a local team finally manages to beat the powerhouse that is Ohio. (Max Wass)

4. Virginia Tech (4-3) 515
–Next: Sunday vs. No. 9 Navy.
–Hokies entered last night 38- for 118 from three-point range this season. Who is their shooting coach, Plaxico Burress? (Bill Fitzgerald)

5. VCU (3-3) 436
–Next: Thursday vs. Western Michigan.
–I have a feeling “Maynor Scores 30, Rams Lose” will be an oft-repeated headline this season. (Matt Bonesteel)

6. Virginia (3-2) 307
–Next: Tonight at Minnesota.
–After the loss to Liberty, the Cavs must steel themselves for non-conference road games against Life and the Pursuit of Happiness. (Tim Lemke)

7. George Washington 303
–Next: Sunday vs. at No. 2 Maryland.
–What does not losing to the likes of West Georgia, Binghamton and Boston University get you? A spot in the Atlantic 11, that’s what. (Jack Lambert)

8. American (4-3) 268
–Next: Saturday at No. 1 Georgetown.
Building upon its goal to be a “green” university, AU is practicing sustainable scheduling, as its next five opponents are Atlantic 11 foes. (Markus Videnieks)

9. Navy (5-1) 174
–Next: Tonight vs. Texas-San Antonio
–As part of the deal for receiving $3.1B in federal bailout money, BB&T will be required to spot Navy 20 points in Sunday’s event. (Jamie Paquette)

10. VMI (4-2) 165
–Next: Tomorrow vs. Winthrop.
–Holding a contest for local sportswriters to create ledes without using the word “key” to describe their fast start. (Jarrett Carter)

11. Liberty (5-1) 136
–Next: Saturday vs. Gardner-Webb.
–If this keeps up, opposing teams might start to consider scheduling death instead of these guys. (Scott Allen)

Also receiving votes: Richmond 61, UMBC 59, James Madison 46, Mount St. Mary’s 43, Old Dominion 25, Hampton 18, Towson 10, Loyola 5, Radford 4, William and & Mary 4, Morgan State 2, Howard 1, Longwood 1.

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